Adults-in-Training

Every now and then something happens that radically reshapes the way I think about parenting. The most recent change moment occur ed when my mom was talking about my brother, Jarrett. He's a teenager now and she was lamenting how frustrating it was to reteach the same old lessons - clothes off the floor, towels hung to dry, kitchen counters wiped down, etc. She shared that it helped her to think of him as an "adult in training." Rather than expecting him to already be good at everything, she found that she could cut him some slack if she thought about the day to day struggles as his learning process.

A light went off in my head. That's what the WG is too. Okay, she's only four and she's well behind Jarrett in her journey, but she's starting on the path. There was a time when my job was to comfort her, nourish her and meet her every need. But now were at a transition moment. My new job is to help her learn essential life skills. Still the foundation of comfort, love and caring must be there; but I also need to give her increasing responsibilities and guide her through these new lessons.

I'll give you an example. She's been in PreK for a few weeks now. This is at "big girl school" a PreK through grade 12 school, and she stays through lunch for the first time. She takes a lunch box each day. The first couple of weeks I packed her lunch every night, assembling various items, cutting her sandwiches into heart shapes, etc. But she's really capable of doing this herself. She can't put peanut butter on the bread, but she can assemble the lunch pail.

So I've set up a lunch box station in our fridge. She selects something from each of four boxes - one that's dairy/fiber, one protein, one fruit or vegetable, and one treat. She also chooses a napkin and packs a spoon if she needs it. It's been a wonderful experience for both of us.

First, she's learned to make choices in the morning and live with them in the afternoon. She's in charge - so there's no one to complain to when she decides she doesn't want that peanut butter and jelly sandwich today. Plus, she's gotten to learn how important a spoon is to applesauce, and she's getting some guided practice at balancing her meals. The best part - she's so pleased with herself! She really enjoys telling the teacher and other kids that she made her own lunch. It makes her feel like a big girl and gives her ownership over one aspect of her life. And she's ready for that bit of ownership.

There will be so many more lessons. So many more baby steps to get to that adult. And I am so enjoying getting to know her along the way. Maybe by the time she calls herself "adult," I'll be able to call myself "parent" rather than "parent-in-training."

The Enforcer

I feel like the biggest meanie sometimes.

The day started so well, and it ended so poorly.

WG had her first day of camp at DA. She absolutely loved it and I was ecstatic. There's nothing better than watching your kiddo have a really great time.

Then we came home and while Baby B napped, we read three books from her summer reading list.

• Uncle Peter's Amazing Chinese Wedding by Yumi Heo
  Great illustrations, an interesting and conversation provoking exploration of a little girl's conflicting emotions when her favorite uncle gets married. Perfect for five year old girl crowd.
• Wolves by Emily Gravett
  An unusual and offbeat tale in which a rabbit checks out a library book about wolves. Blurs in line between the book we're reading and the book inside the book in interesting and creative ways. However, I found the ending a little scary. I didn't explain it to WG for fear of nightmares. Luckily, there's an alternate ending.
• Best Best Friends by Margaret Chodos-Irvine
  A Caldacott winner, although I'm not sure why. It's interesting enough, and it did spawn a conversation about friends, jealousy and why its important to be nice. But its not the kind of book that we'd want to read again and again.)

We played our two new favorite games from Haba - The Sleepy Princess & The Pea & Animal Upon Animal. Both involve stacking and falling and both are lots of preschool fun!

Then, in a fit of spontaneity, we headed for the pool. Mel knocked off a few minutes early (I'm sure he'll make up for it after the kids are in bed) and we all went to enjoy the late afternoon sunshine together. The pool was fairly quiet and several times I noticed WG shouting loudly. I asked her to lower her voice. Dad asked her to quiet down. And finally, I got out of the pool, walked over to where she and Dad were playing and told her that she was too loud, that this was her "one warning" and that if she screamed again, we would be going home. Not a breath later, she screamed. I hadn't even had time to take ten steps away. So, I got her out of the pool and sat her down on the side. We talked a bit, and then packed up and went home. I feel like an ogre. But on some level I know that I did the right thing.

On the way home, Mel and I talked about whether the punishment fit the crime. And we talked about presenting a united front to WG. And I don't think she was intentionally testing the limits. But I do know that if my consequences become idle threats on little things, that eventually she'll start pushing the limits on much larger things.

As we were walking out, I could feel all the eyes on me. The grandmas and grandpas in the crowd just couldn't believe I was taking this poor child home for letting loose squeals of glee and screams of delight.

But one day, when she's not driving drunk through our neighborhood, and she's not rude to the people that she passes on the street, hopefully then they'll see why I'm sweating the small stuff.

Boy, is this parenting stuff hard.

Blueberries & Cherries

Yesterday, WG and I baked a blueberry pie. She's been begging to make one for weeks and I've had all the ingredients - but yesterday during Baby B's nap we made it a priority and headed for the kitchen. The combination of being four and her last year in Montessori school has transformed her into Miss I-Can-Do-It. She headed for the pantry and cabinets and wanted to bring everything back to the counter. She wanted to measure, pour and stir. And with every step came her now constant refrain, "Why?" "Why do we paint the crust with egg?" "Why does egg make it brown?" "Why are there holes in the top of the crust?" "Why don't pies have icing?" Every situation is a chance for her to learn and I try to embrace it - although after the 187th "Why" of the day sometimes I'm the one that needs a time out.

Meanwhile, Baby B awoke and we needed something to occupy him while we finished our lattice weave crust. So, I used a fresh fruit feeder and let him taste his first cherries. Whoever invented these feeder things is a genius! I absolutely love them. Munchkin makes them and you can get them at Target for about $5.00 (2 in a pack). You coarsely chop fresh fruit, snap it inside the mesh and then baby can suck on it, chew on it and otherwise amuse himself with fresh fruit flavor. Baby B just LOVES it. And he loves Bing cherries. He was a big rockin' mess afterwards, but it was worth it to watch him enjoy those cherries.

Sadly, the blueberry pie was a disappointment to the WG. While dad and I loved it, she didn't like the way it tasted. Probably too tart for her palate. Plus, there was no icing.

(Find the recipe for our Blueberry Pie at AllRecipes.com)

Learning to Play

Today my best friend Allison and I packed up the kids and took them to Planet Child in Cary. It doesn't sound like much, but it was a big undertaking for us.

First of all, there are five car seats to manage. Two booster seats (no problem, they're light and easy), one infant bucket (again, pretty simple) and two mammoth Britax car seats (I should be bench pressing to handle those). I think those things are safe in the same way that SUVs are safe - they're just bigger, heavier and tougher than everything else on the road. Of course, you'll likely sprain a wrist trying to move it from car to car.... I digress...

By 9:30 we had all five kids dressed, fed and strapped into the car. Hooray! Sadly, that meant that Allison wasn't yet dressed. She threw on some clothes and we were off.

Planet Child was terrific. If you haven't been there, it's definitely worth a trip to Cary. (It's a 45 minute drive for us and we'll definitely go back). The staff is incredibly friendly and helpful. It was busy but not crowded at all - and the kids all quickly found sections that amused them. Charlie put on a pith helmet and climbed into a Land Rover in the safari section. WG found a buddy and headed to the kitchen/grocery area. Sam and his buddy played in the pirate ship - my personal favorite. And Baby B and Baby T were happy, happy in the baby area. We spent two hours there are scarcely a tear was shed - a near record for our crowd.

I played on the floor with Baby B for a wonderful, long time. We played peek a boo among the padded blocks. We spun the toddler bead toy, we giggled and we hugged the stuffed animals. It struck me that I really do love playing on the floor with him. But I do have a tough time doing it at home. At home it seems that there's always laundry to do, closets to straighten, out of season clothes to pack up, or emails to answer. I have such a hard time putting those things to the side to play. It's when he's frustrated or sad that I'll get on the floor with him and distract him. At the pool we splash about together. Even in the grocery store we sing and play. It's at home that I have a hard time playing.

I think I need to put playing on my to-do list. Every morning I start with a to-do list. It typically has 30-40 items on it, so I rarely get them all done in a day. But I am happy when I can cross off half. Then I roll the other items to the next day. Maybe if I put playing on the floor with Baby B, I'll remember to make it a priority - even when we're just at home.

In Memorial

I just got back from a week in Auburn, Alabama, the town I grew up in. It was one of the most challenging weeks of my life. We were home for two funerals.

On Sunday, my grandfather passed away. Buster was a big man most of my life. He had coal black skin and long hair. He wore cowboy boots and a big cowboy hat. On summer afternoons he would load me, my siblings and cousins in the back of his customized pick up truck and take us to Krystal for hamburgers in the parking lot. He pinched our cheeks, laughed giant belly laughs and loved Jerry Springer. But on Sunday, he passed away as a result of complications from cancer.

My grandmother and aunt, together with his family, began making funeral arrangements, and then unexpectedly my grandmother had a massive heart attack and died early on Tuesday morning. She was standing at the stove in her home making an early morning breakfast and then she was gone. We were all so stunned.

My mom and I packed up the kids and got on the road early on Tuesday. Tuesday and Wednesday were full of people who were calling or stopping by to offer condolences – but many of them were stopping in to check on my grandmother. When they heard the news about her they were stunned and our family bore the full brunt of their shocked reactions. Seventy-year-old men crumbled into heaps of tears on her sofa. Large bodies and slight frail ones rocked with sobs in her chairs. Some could hardly speak and some had many words. Some just repeated – no, no, no.

Grandma's House

I think it will still take me a while to recover. I know that in many ways I haven’t yet begun to grieve their passing. I am still adjusting to the shock of their absence in the house that was so much a part of my youth. And I’m still working through my own feelings about those friends and family members that reacted so powerfully to the news.

In the end, I know that it won’t be this past week that I remember – although it’s made a powerful impression on me. It will be the way that Buster looked in that white suit and string tie, my grandmother’s infectious giggle and the way she referred to herself in the third person ("Grand-mama loves you"), and the steadfastness with which they loved each other and each of us.

Will work for food.

Today was a busy day, but good day. Baby B was up for the day around 5am, and my darling hubby got up with him and let me sleep another hour. It was a glorious hour.

Then it was showers, getting the kids dressed, and pack them into the car. I'd forgotten to get the snack for WG's preschool class, so it was off to the grocery to round up the last items I needed for this morning's photo shoot and getting the snacks that four year old's love. (Apparently the strawberries were a big hit).

Danielle Anthony and I spent the morning shooting the images for two articles that will run in this year's Premier Baby and Child. We were working with food and products this morning and it was great fun. I was styling apple sauce and yogurt, trying to create those lovely peaks you see in magazine photos.

Then, it was off to pick up the WG and we all headed home. I've been writing all afternoon and hope to be down to the last seven or eight articles before I hit the hay tonight. Mel is up at 4am for a flight tomorrow so it will be an early evening for us. And then tomorrow will be a big day.

The morning is mine all mine! It happens so infrequently that I plan to relish it. I have a sitter while WG is in school, so I'll be kidless. I plan to grocery shop, go to the bank, the post office and cleaners. But while I do it, I'll be listening loudly to the radio and I'll be going at 10 times my normal speed. It's going to be great.

After school WG has playdate with her favorite friend, a swim lesson with another buddy and we'll probably grab a salad and a pizza for dinner. Maybe we'll curl up and watch Aladdin together in the afternoon - she's been dying to do that. I'm looking forward to it.

Warm bodies.

What is it about kids that makes them so cute and cuddly? I don't think it's just because they're tiny. I think it's also that they are so warm. I'm sitting on the sofa next to the WG right now. She's watching TV and I'm working away on the laptop. And her little body is like a radiator. Her little arms and legs feel like a crackling fire on a winter day. Hmmmm.... Delightful.